It was 2 years ago.“ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
happy birthday happy birthday, happy birthday to you!” . It was 12pm. I woke up
and i saw my family was singing birthday song for me. “Happy birthday dear, we
hope in your new age you become a better person who can makes God always happy
and proud of you, and hopefully you can
be a respectful daughter” said my Father with a birthday cake on his
hands. I made a wish and blew the candle
on top of the cake. My Mother gave me a box which was wrapped with pink
wrapping paper which is my favourite colour. I opened it and saw an iphone that
i’ve dreamed for a long time. My eyes opened wide and i shouted “ You are the
best, Mom!” . Time passed and untill one day , i woke up late for school and I
prepared myself hurriedly and went to school. I forgot to put my phone in my
drawer to locked it. At that time, i thought that it would be alright and
nothing bad was going to happened.But when i got home, i didn’t see my phone. I
was very panic. I asked my maid and she said there were just workmen got out of
my room around 30 minutes before i reached home. I said what just happened to my Mother
haltingly. She got mad. I felt like i was dissapointing my Mother. Fortunately,
my cousin helped me with blocking my phone so no one could used my phone. She
blocked my phone and wrote a short message “This iphone has lost, please called
****** ( my Father’s phone number) if you have found it, thankyou.” Three
months later, someone called my Father and yes it was my phone founder. My
phone was back and i thanked to God for helping me found the phone.
I think the flow of your story is great, easy to understand and makes the reader (included me)to become curious on what is going on next :)
ReplyDeleteYour composition is great but i found some grammar mistakes so i suggest the writer can fix the grammar mistakes
ReplyDelete